E K O GIRL DIARIES 3 - TRAFFIC IN LAGOS IS NO JOKE

Due to popular demand, I have decided to talk about the traffic situation in Lagos, Nigeria. While its inhabitants have gotten used to it it still seems a bit toxic to me when I see or hear people accept that this traffic is normal.

It’s not even news that Lagos is the most populated state in Nigeria and West Africa; if you think I am joking a quick search on Wikipedia will quell your doubts. There must be something in the city because every day it's getting more populated; permit me to remix 'Lewis Capaldis's line in "Bruises" to explain what we suffer on this side of the west coast. Imagine now that 80% of the population in this city belongs to the workforce; I’ll like to do a mini data/population analysis here because why not. 70% of the 80% has to commute to and fro to their workspaces, shops, establishments or, anywhere at all to get some work done. This means without further explanation that 70% or thereabouts are constantly on the move across the states rather tiny roads.

Might I add they (the roads) aren't even half as nice or well constructed as the ones in the other states I have lived in. I bet you know that the figures rounding up in my head and maybe yours are what the English man will call cataclysmic. Apart from private vehicle owners, there’s the lot who use their cars for ride-hailing services like Taxify, Uber, Jekalo, and Gidicab and the public transport systems (BRT, moluè, danfo, Keke, and motorcycles in the areas where they haven’t been banned). Note that these forms of road transport have to ply almost the same axis or intersect at major bridges and expressways. A quick detour: Not too long ago, a lot of Lagosians relied on Naija-themed buses such as the infamous molue and danfo buses to get around town. Over the years a lot of things have changed in the way they commute. With technology taking front-wheel the emergence of ride-hailing apps has made getting around from point A to point B a lot easier. This itself is and will always be a great addition to the transport system in the state but just like every other thing it has its pros and cons. These days one does not have to get to the nearest bus stop before one can hail a taxi or take a bus. All you need do is exploit technology from the very comfort of your home or office or wherever you might be. The most amazing feature of some of these car-hailing services is that you can even order one for a friend say for some reason you are unable to pick up a friend or family member from the airport, no worries, just hail a ride for them. It only further screams to the cataclysmic number of road users we have already mentioned and creates an avenue for lesser breathing space.

The public transport system is a pain and if you have ever had to use the buses which seem poorly maintained in my opinion you can attest to the fact that the drivers are constantly mad at every other road user and nag non-stop till they get to their final destinations. I said earlier in episode 1 that the fact that there are a lot of people here and less breathing space is enough reason for them to be angry. But boy, need I mention that this is the fate of every single entity that has to get on the road every morning in this state. The constant need to meet up with passing time and dare not be late to that appointment, or workspace or meet up with the time to open your madam's shop or sell your market is exhausting enough. For me, It is a race towards the end of time and a strong analogy for Darwins’ evolutionary theory 'Survival of the Fittest' because in simple Nigerian speak - e no easy.

Until this week, I hadn’t really stayed so long in any kind of traffic, and every day I went out I always thought not to jinx it by saying “there might be traffic”. It will be wise to duly note that- Lagos traffic is a respecter of no man. A few days ago after getting stuck for 45 mins on the Eko bridge on my way back home I knew it was best for me to remain in my space maybe just until important things took me out of my comfort zone. I kid you not it was horrible even in a private car. I’d have probably come down forgetting every good manner and not minding if it screamed crazy to stretch my legs if I had been in a moluè. People who do this every day are heroes and they don’t even know it because what level of tolerance is this y’all exude. I got home hours later and had a warm bath to rid myself of the dirt that has clung to my skin from being in that shit show for so long. My head hit my pillow minutes later and I only woke up at 2am the next day to realize I wasn’t cut out for this hard life. Someone said to me “45 mins and you’re whining“ You mean I could have been in traffic for longer? Did I hear you say this isn't toxic enough? Thank you but no thanks. Now, I don’t mean to scare anyone looking to relocate here but I’m just going to say have a good think of your decision and if you’re solid with your plans then you're welcome to brave it too. Come on over I guess we still have space to accommodate a few thousand souls.

It’s no wonder couples that both reside in Lagos can still operate LDR (long-distance relationships). The thought of getting caught up in hold-up(s) on your way to see your significant other who most likely stays in another part of Lagos can make you squeamish and allow you to stay in your lane for most of the time. Las las if y’all have to meet up it’ll have to be for something really important or the weekend when the traffic is a lot easier to bear. I think this is agreeable and I don't mean to encourage anything but maybe it is okay to date people that stay closer to you to avoid stories that tickle the belly. This way, Tosin in Ikeja doesn't have to go all the way to Oniru to look for love because if Tosin does it will most likely end in tears. In the end, I have postulated that traffic is the reason why all the young ladies I have met in the last month are married. The men can’t have their babes live so far away from them and not come around often, so what better way than to snag a rock on their middle fingers and make them permanently live in their houses 🤣 This way traffic can’t stop them from loving up huh!


I love to see that a larger part of married women in Lagos are really young and the fraction of young ladies that are not branding rocks large enough to be seen from space are focused on their business and jobs and are making bags. (I know I have been talking rocks since and you’ll probably wonder if I have a new interest in mineral resources I’m only referring to wedding rings/bands). I'm looking to explore more parts of the city but I can't for the life of me deal with anything remotely familiar to traffic so I'm on the low for now. I will do the little I can do the weekends I am not so busy and leave the rest for the ton.

         I cant' stop traffic on Fifth Avenue, not unless I walk in front of an oncoming cab.
Benedict Cumberbatch

Not in Lagos dears, definitely not in Lagos



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