É K Ò Girl Diaries Part 2 *Money dey Lagos*

The energy I got for È k ò Girl Diaries Primera was stupendous. I appreciate everyone who took the time to read my long yap and those who gushed about how perfect I had captured the Lagos lifestyle from a newbie’s vantage point. I am so grateful to every one of you Thank you.

I had hinted that I was getting familiar with major routes in the first episode. Here’s what happened; I started to think of it as a necessary survival skill because guy after 2 weeks of living flenjo with Taxify and Uber, I watched my stash (money) drop like a bad stock on a gloomy morning. My brother-in-law kept making fun of me before I got here asking how I would survive; what with my ajebutter lifestyle (a Nigerian slang used to describe living above the luxury lifestyle the average Nigerian can't afford). He said I had better come prepared with 500k for transportation for the first few months then after the months would have passed I would get a rude awakening and realize the 500k was good enough money to set aside for a car. But shame unto the devil and glory to God I now fly the bus when it’s necessary even though my first experience with Toyosi (my cousin) was quite eventful. Permit this little digression to give you the gist - After we’d gotten on the bus that fateful day we found out our bus driver was a tad bipolar and maybe a lot sick in the head. The man blatantly refused to give us our change something along the line of we could meet him up the next day for said change. The thing is, most public transport drivers are like this. Maybe they all have good days and bad days and certainly, the bad days are more but I understand that Nigeria is hard enough and Lagos is hot so I just ignore them. Now I can advise you as an emerging È k ò babe that if you’re planning to move here you’re better off knowing your major routes, especially for the mainland. Spot the major landmarks for places like Ikeja, Surulere, Festac, Ikorodu, Yaba, Apapa, and other areas in the Lagos suburbs and make them stick. The BRT (Bus Rapid Transit) system is another way to save your money. They are almost the equivalent of the trams and buses in the abroad and they have their own corridors on most roads within the state hence traffic is not an issue for them. I haven’t been to those far-off places like Isolo, Ikotun and I pray not because honestly, I do not possess the forbearance yet for such journey. 

I know I know I promised to spill something major and I promise we’re getting on to perish the fact that “Money no dey Lagos” Dearest reader before now I’m sure you’ve heard Lagos is the owanbe city (slang for a large grandiose party thrown by Lagosians that involve a lot of food, dancing, loud music and spraying or throwing money on a dancing person to celebrate them). I promise they did not lie to us. In my first three days of settling, I got an invite to a house party on the Island. It must be the people in this town because the happiness to attend functions is infectious and a part of myself I didn’t know was extroverted is rearing its head every other day. By the next weekend, I had gotten invited to 2 other house parties and boy was there a lot of spending. The money these people spend alone for interior decors, nice looking whips (I’m terrible at car names and specs so they all look nice to me), and their parties is something otherworldly. The funny thing is that a large percentage of them just like these things and the other infinitesimal group only fake the living to feel among. But who am I to discern these things when all I’m bothered about during these parties is eating hot amala and gbegiri with assorted meat that’ll last me for days. 

In my opinion, half of this town's population irrespective of gender, trades cryptocurrency, bitcoin, and forex legally or illegally for the most part of their living. Boya I should calm down and do another survey in a few months but for now, I think I know where they’re getting their money from. I’m not one for loud misconceptions so this is just a reveal from my POV. Tech bros are at the very top of the food chain and you’d most likely meet the ones that work from home and earn in dollars. They’re the worst set of hibernators after me. Since a tool of their trade-in crypto and BTC, you‘ll find that they’re the real big boys of Lagos. A large part of the population dabble in real estate as well and from my survey, this is where the money too is made. So think of an ecological system and different niches and draw a food chain with tech bros at the top, our dear real estate guys come close enough, and then comes the custom guys. Color me surprised but when I heard how much those guys make, it made sense that Lagos handles 80% of the country’s export. The good people in fintech, the banking institutions, and insurance come last not because there’s no actual money in this sect but just because the competition is too much and someone has to take bottom place in our chain. You’d ask why I didn’t mention Nollywood and I’ll just say it’s not a personal thing but there’s no real money made from acting in these subpar Nigerian movies. Sorry, not sorry! A lot of guys in it still have a major side hustle at least to maintain the fame and avoid going back to their village. 

Because I’m aspiring to be a foodie, I feel bad that before now I suffered from this delusion that every meal made in Lagos was peppery just because. I think many people just read the history that È k ò being home to the king's palace called “Iga Idunganran” which translates to a palace built on a pepper farm ran with the narrative that every meal had to be hot and spicy. I have eaten out quite a lot since I got here and I haven’t even had anything close to peppery. I promise my tastebuds will recognize hot spicy food if it comes in contact with it because I actually hate pepper. Dear reader come to Lagos and don’t be scared we don’t eat a lot of pepper as they say it’s only a myth if I have anything to say about it. 

I hope you stay tuned until you get the next mail for the third episode. I’m caught between choosing to write about ‘ the nightlife and traffic’ in this city OR the fine young men ‘Yoruba demons’ that know all the right things to say to get your attention and the young beautiful women who have all been taken and branded with large rocks on their middle finger. I’m entirely open to your suggestions so drop a comment and we vote. Until next time È k ó o ni baaje oh 

Your favorite È k ò finance analyst 

Helen Dami