If anything; 'I AM EVERYTHING'

FIRST OF ALL THE INTRO.....

       I sincerely apologize for not coming through with this post when I promised. I hope no one else got bench pressed with work like I was over the last few weeks? For the greater part of the upper week, I was tasked with being a full-time pseudo-mum with my regular 8AM to definitely not 5PM job in tow. In short speak, I looked like a ragamuffin who had no other life but the life of work and kids that week. I insist we dwell on a lighter note because I have to be optimistic this month will be better. This time like every other time, the pleasure is not lost on me as I revel in the words I am about to write even though it still feels like mumbo jumbo in my head. 

                                           HAPPY NU MONTH LOVELIES

END OF INTRO.....

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       What you are about to read is a note to self and my twenty-something-year-olds that you are enough and you are everything. It is my way of giving you and me reasons and excuses why you don't need anyone to make you feel whole or wanted. It is me saying to you and me "Love yourself wholly and give some of it to anyone you think deserves it".

       It is no news that I have decided to take a back seat; in fact, I am still looking out for the farthest seat away from giving or putting myself out there for anyone. There isn't much of me left and when I think about letting someone in, I can only picture the way that person can break me. My mind just sabotages it before it even begins. My lame excuse is that my heart is a fickle organ that has only caused me pain in the last year. There is the chance too that I now see things differently when it comes to love. I know there is no such thing as the right one. There is lust and love and then hard work with a dash of disappointment and most probable heartbreak. I have learned the hard way that you can't force love. It is there or it isn't. If it's not there you have got to be able to admit it and move. If it's there you have got to do whatever it takes to protect and cherish it. Even though I am an incurable romantic I think my head does most of the work these days rather than my heart. Unfortunately, we have gotten to the phase where we feel we have to push too hard to feel accepted maybe because of our biological clocks or the pressure from people or just maybe we feel it is time when it isn't really. We have decided to shirk the most important feature of any emerging adult 'SELF-FOCUS' and will rather stick to the status quo to dictate the flow of things. Here's a little something, are you single and constantly falling in love almost that it seems like you thrive on heartbreaks? Take a breather and find a different kind of love. One that will grow from considering things you never knew you had any interest in. I decided to be more particular about falling in love with art this year and I have not passed up any opportunity to talk or feel it. Find something and grow your love for it.

       I ask that you not leave me on this journey/quest and fall into depression. It is almost common for people our age. There is a sick attachment that forms when you hurt over something and suddenly you know no other way to live but wallow in this hurt. Your body and mind are amazing the way it will pull strength or numbness from the unknown. I vote it seeks strength. While I am waiting on someday in the near future where I will write something as corny as this for a toast to my significant other on my wedding day;

Everything in my life, the dangers, the drama, the adventure and I never would have thought when I met you that you would be my biggest thrill, the wildest rush of adrenaline in my life, the thing that terrifies me, the thing that makes me want to give my best and want nothing back, the only thing I am happy to wholly commit to (the way I have been practicing a lot for this toast my husband better cry that day 🤣) yada yada yada...,

I am happy that in a few months, I get to live vicariously through two people truly happy and in love. My best girl is getting married and I have decided to channel all my free time into planning a beautiful and simple wedding. My own can take a back seat until I find the man. Lately, my idea of a good time is curling up in my bed watching tv shows until I mold into my pillow or working dangerously late into the night with a cup of chai tea (only because I dread gaining the 6 kilos I lost) so this is a welcome distraction and I am swell excited that I get to play a part in this wedding.  Call me crazy but I love to see people happy and succeeding. Life is a journey and not a competition ergo celebrate people as often as you can. This is the first step to embracing the fact that you can have enough love to give out to other people. Are you reading enough or would you like for me to recommend some wonderful books you can relate to? Books will never be the death of me and there is something about realizing some other person out there in the world goes through or has gone through this phase and was kind enough to pen the story. I find peace from this serendipity and I thrive from relating to the stories I read. There is no such thing as reading too much and like I always say what better time than now to devour books. Something 'Mark Manson' author of 'THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A FUCK' said on the bird app the other day caught my attention. It was along the lines of not investing your time and energy in people that do not invest their time and energy in you. No truer word has been said than this and it's about that time you matched energies and gave sparingly especially if you don't get anything worthwhile back.

         While we are trying to be as honest as possible with ourselves and others, it is great to accept that sometimes even though we are fine with being alone it can get boring most times, and the desire to feel desired or wanted can result in a clusterfuck. These times, try to get out more and meet people. No one says it is a sin to go on dates even though you might not necessarily want to commit. Be open to explaining your stance on relationship matters if you would to avoid leading anyone on. I was on a date recently and I had almost forgotten what the build-up, the getting to know one another, and deciding if you are just wasting your time or there might be something there felt like. Goes a long way to say you can't totally rule out meeting people because some persons will forever remain good people.

Growth is hard and self-love is even harder but in the end, these two trumps your adult lives. Remember you are the icing on the cake.

In the famous words of 'Angelina Jolie' in Mr. and Mrs. Smith: Happy endings are for stories that haven't finished yet.

 

To my dear twenty-something-year-olds,

YOU ARE FIRE, YOU ARE LIFE, YOU ARE EVERYTHING.

Your Friend in this love quest

HELEN DAMI 💗