É K Ó GIRL DIARIES * ULTIMA and Hey, I passed my English test

A lot has changed from the last time I was here. For one sadly, my subscribers won't get the customary email alert they get when I create a post at least not unless I create a subscriber channel list. 

Life has not been entirely rosy but I am grateful and these days I have more faith and hope that things will look up in a bit. It's the final episode of È k ò girl diaries and I feel free because I held it up for too long and my conscience was plagued with guilt every single time I came here to remind myself what a terrific writer I am. Every other week, I encouraged myself that all it took to finish this series was a few dedicated hours of quiet and brain work but writing is easier said than done. Allow me to say this; now that I have finally come to restore the lost episode my brain is doing a happy dance and I feel all tingly on the inside.   PRAISE JESUS

Change is good as long as it's for the right reasons. Change for the sake of change can just be foolish. I hate moving, I get depressed even from changing a habit not to talk of moving my life. It's one thing to vacation, a whole other thing to transplant your life someplace else but I was born to adapt more than have a lot of strength. For the most part I was content with my life in the south, these days I am not sure if I can label my days and nights as fun and happy but I am not unhappy either. There's my life in lagos in a summary.

Now that I am a full-fledged Lagosian mostly for the time being I will speak to you like one. Food prices have gone up, traffic is crazier this time of the year, the rain is a killjoy, traveling outside Lagos is freaking expensive, I can no longer afford Uber or Taxify hence I am home most days not touring the elite part of Lagos I have come to love, life is harder for some people, work is crazy, men are funky, we all sorta need a break, and a girl just needs more money. Phewww, that's a lot I was bottling up all this time. It should be passed into a bill that the average working-class Lagosian needs a therapist to unload all their emotions and life challenges. This mess that's our head gets too heavy sometimes on our shoulders. These days the greatest tell of my adolescent life is waking up early; you know you're a grown-up when sleeping in means getting up at 6am in Lagos.

Lagos is fun on some days and bat hit crazy in the highest percentile on other days. Little wonder I have lived here for almost 6 months and haven't gotten around to visit old friends. I can not for the life of me imagine how hard it would have been to say we lived in a different city, I will probably visit on a rotational basis and leave a bit of my stuff in every one of the houses for the weekends I decide to crash and go to work from there. Take me back to a serene life. 

All my christmases came early or maybe you can call it serendipity when the other day, while wandering the aisle of a famous mall, I saw a familiar face. This person was instrumental in a lot of ways a few years ago and it felt good to connect. Newsflash, you know how they say man plans, God disposes; let me just say you plan, lagos traffic and rain scatters the plan. We have set out times in our calenders to meet up since then and have not come close to venturing the locations we pick every time. One time my dear old friend got stuck in traffic for 2 hours and just made a turn when he could back to his house. Thank God for small miracles, I had not left the house yet so when his call came in moments later apologizing profusely for turning back home I sulked a bit, had a good laugh afterward, and started taking off my clothes. In his defense, the poor man was a bit under the weather and couldn't stand that sorta sorcery in the name of traffic. What forces did we offend? I am strongly considering staying holed up at home 24/7. Here's something I have secretly cheered on, with the madness of this town and after my last diatribe with the rude guy at the food vendor I have successfully mastered the art of not responding to rude and angry people anywhere I go. I just sit and think "they are all upset so they find the littlest means to show this ... dear Helen just ignore". So far this is working.

In other but not so similar news, your girl passed her English test in flying colors (somewhat) if a band almost 8 counts. This is not news because it is boldly written on my tagline today. I was scared, God I was, especially when speaking, which comes so naturally to me seemed the hardest on the test day. If you have taken an English test before you have to understand this part of my discussion today. I froze for 5 seconds on one speaking section and rambled my way through another alas I tried to shine in the writing section but time was an enemy of progress (popular Nigerian lingo for "someone or something who hinders progress or positive situations")

When the test center called after I got mail that my scores were out a few days later, I broke out in a cold sweat in every duct sweat glands could produce sweat. I dare not check it for fear of passing out because as much as I wasn't counting on my failure my cousin had hinted that preparing for the worst when the results came in was the way to handle a bad test score. The man at the test center was probably wondering what drama I was up to especially since I could have checked my result since about 8 am when the scores came in but was still asking what I scored at half-past 2 or thereabouts. He typed something in a message to me that dried up my sweat immediately and made me think it can't be that bad. When he shared my result I behaved in the typical fashion I have tried to drop since puberty.

So a little back story or back explanation. I could be waiting to get good news for 7 years, praying, hoping, get agitated, puke in my mouth nervous, crying but once the good news breaks I almost feel unbothered. It's the worst feeling because I start to wonder along the lines 'why was I so worried?', 'why did I cry so much?' ... So there's your cue, save for a few people that knew I was taking the test that I shared the news with and probably joyed with at the moment, I was back to business the next minute after I saw my scores. It almost feels like yes conquered this, checked that, did good now whats next?. Tell me anyone out there behave like me? Something my pastor said the other day, 'when you pray to God about something stop worrying about it because every time you do it feels like you have gone and taken that thing out of God's hands because you don't trust him enough to handle it. It was definitely a note to self. 

Not that it needs any more saying but since my new years resolution for my birthday last year was grabbing the world by the lapels and kicking ass, yours truly is doing some good job of this. I am happy, a tad confused, a lot stressed and still finding my daily zen but like I said earlier I am grateful. The next few months will probably see the busiest I will and blogging or doing any other fun thing I love to do will take a backspace but in the end, I know it will be worth it. I am gearing up for the best part of things working out and studying like I will start med school in the summer semester. In my opinion, I want to ace my exams and I am afraid of performing poorly especially after knowing how important it is to ace this one. A good friend mentioned the other day that difficulty is only judged based on perceptions and I am stringing this word along and not seeing any difficulties whatsoever. 

È k o girl diaries might end today but I will still be a Lagos girl at heart and will still go out every day documenting my almost new life in my heart or my big journal of memories. I will live my life every day here for as long as is left remembering my greatest purpose and biggest aspirations. I never thought the day will come that I get so out of writing enough to miss it but I did miss writing and it feels good to be back.

Your Friend from the North of A

Helen Dami 💕