FRIENDSHIP LIKE QUILTS

         Just before I write anything, I’d like to say God indeed answers prayers. My dad might have insinuated that I had a portion of the blame in a situation a few days ago and I knew there couldn't be a  better time to address the said situation. My dear friend from Uni reached out with the excerpt of this post at 2AM one fine morning a month and a half ago, after I had told God I didn’t know how to handle a particular burden I was carrying at the time. Since I was battling similar demons I kept pushing this post to the backlog of stories I have on the blog. Now just seems like a good time to write it.

        In the final episode of 13 Reasons Why; the popular Netflix teen drama series that explores and depicts a wide range of social issues affecting modern youth, Dylan Minette talks about how easy it is to hate or develop the emotion and how difficult it is to love and understand anyone enough to stick with them. Relationships and marriages fizzle out because partners can't find a need to understand each other or get tired from trying or the lack of. Friendships are even tougher because the constant need for validation and loyalty will span from how you treat the people who will later become your partner or life-long friends. After a sour situation where my so-called friends turned on me in my senior class, I swore off having friends. I preferred the solo cause because it made things less complicated. When I got into Uni it was better off flocking with the few girls in my study circle and boy it paid a lot. Throughout my entire years of study in Uni, I made three (3) friends that remained gold, and even after school are literally still the only people I call friends; I appreciate the value they have added and keep adding to my life.

Shortly after my final exams, I had little to no choice of staying together with a group of girls I knew so little about. Man’s different so is his ways. Adjusting to living in this house full of girls (The Yard) was tough but it paid off in the end and we groomed ourselves to become a formidable force of strong, independent, and beautiful young women who are set for great things. We were a mix of personalities, ethnicity, characters, and creatures of our own individual habits. If ever I thought I was never a people person I was going to be proved so wrong because that notion got changed for life in the 6 months I spent with these amazing people. I learned that a good cry was easy to dispel how hurt you feel about anything, I would later learn that some other person's way of handling pain, was to shut themselves out until they had dealt with their sh*t. Understanding individual decisions and habits were the truest test of all time because I could never wrap my head around why Person A wasn't great at housekeeping and wasn't even trying to be. The one thing that trumped our differences was LOVE, a love that stemmed from wanting to actually look beyond our ideas and minds or flaws and shortcomings. I used to think I had the hardest time until reading my friend's writeup that morning. It made me think about how hard I was on some people in the house and how selfish it was of me to take sides on matters that needed a voice or voices of true reasoning. My dear friend probably had it harder than I did because reading that writeup changed this perception I had of her. The importance of accepting people the way they come not excusing their flaws is paramount for every friendship to work out. Making excuses for the mistakes your friends make or their bad characters will only guarantee the repetition of actions that will hurt you. This part I learned from Amaka (my one true friend😉)

    

       For fear of sounding as morbid at first like the_oddity😁, (my fav bald twitter sensation) I lost a friend a few months ago: and no they didn't die it was just friendship turned to dust. Even though it's difficult to finally realize how important it is to let them go after they have played a monumental part in my life, I must say it was for the best. Some friends will stick forever and the ones that will have to leave will leave after they have played their part. I needed a full self-evaluation afterward and I am saying it here so all the people who participated one way or another unknowingly can figure out what our long talk was about. Call it self-validation or an act of self-vindication; I had the worst doubts of myself and I just needed to have an idea of the kind of person people think I am. Deep down I know I am a great person who's greatest flaw next to being a mother hen to everyone I love is wearing her heart on a sleeve. I had such wonderful feedback from the few people I engaged at different times and a bit of "breathe and let other people handle their problems", "you can't expect the same energy you put into any relationship because some people don't value you as much" and the usual "stop being entitled to a friendship that feels one way or not at all". I picked the entitlement part and ran with it because that is the biggest reason why friends put out. No one wants to tell you everything hence so be it. I struggled with this sense of entitlement from when I was bunking in the yard where I told the girls everything and anything but felt a tad upset when they didn't tell me things back. It went on for a bit until I decided to give as much as I got. Did it help any? Yes, and No. I was just fighting a battle that had no reason to be fought.

         As a part of me ghostwrites this story while sharing a bit of my experience with adolescent friendships, reading books has helped improve the value friendships hold to me these days. I am well into entering the Self-Focus feature of an emerging adult and when they say you have to love yourself enough to love someone else there is absolutely no lie there. The pressure that comes with every emerging adult like me is way too much to handle with other real-life issues like failing relationships. I will henceforth match energies and love unconditionally cause life's too short to dwell on hate. Most importantly I will channel all my positivity into maintaining healthy relationships with people that value the personality I bring to the table. I sincerly would hate to hear any more of this - "knowing you, I believe you tried". Do you feel you are not enough? Remind yourself of how much you have accomplished all by yourself (no partner, no besty). Do you feel like everyone is moving too fast ahead in life and you are missing out? The FOMO (fear of missing out) will constantly lower your self-esteem if you don't watch it. This was the moral I picked from an insightful chat with a beautiful mind the last week. Remember no two people have the same stars so quit comparing yourself to others. Do something big for yourself and sit back and watch yourself grow larger than life. You have to be successful to meet successful people and like I always say nobody wants to associate themselves with ne're do wells. Understanding someone that isn't you is the hardest thing to do but we make sacrifices and place priorities on the things or people who mean something.

Friendship is tough and I am a spoilt entitled girl who is the worst mother hen of her friends. The former part I will continue to deal with because it is my most toxic flaw but I won't ever stop taking care of my friends in whatever way I can. 

Dear friends, we literally die here🤣🤣

Dear beautiful  Odinakachi Emerald, thank you for letting me use your story and for being the muse of today’s post. You remain the strongest girl I know and the one girl with the most contagious smile. Your fighting spirit is so beautiful and I love how you love wholly and hold nothing back. I will never fail to admire how you fought me that year because you feared I was rude to your baby sister🤣🤣 (some drama this was). You are fierce and you are fire and I am so happy God gave me you. 

P.S - Make Chidi read this last part 

Your favorite blogger and ghostwriter

Helen Dami  💗